I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
