Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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