You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
