Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
