I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
