Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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