I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
