my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
