We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
