I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
