Small penises have feelings too.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
