wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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