I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
