apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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