Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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