My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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