i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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