I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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