i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
