So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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