After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pants are for mortals
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
