was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
