Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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