Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
