oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
