You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
