Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
