I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
