frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
