I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
