billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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