some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
