If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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