if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
