unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
