yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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