Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bring money and cleavage
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
