So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
