last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
