Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
