Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
