I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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