Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're breaking my sexual little heart
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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