SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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