I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
