You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
