I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
