you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
