you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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