Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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