No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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