I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
