I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am available for nakedness
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
