How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
