Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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